Monthly Archives: April 2015

April can’t end soon enough…

….not that it was a terrible month, I just want the feeling of freshness a new month will bring. I’ll start my color in calendar yet again, and this time (like all the times before) I intend to stick with it. This time I’ll keep it in a different place, and hopefully that will make the difference. Sometimes it’s the small things. 

In other news, the class I’m supposed to be in right now was cancelled, leaving me in the city with a choice: go back and go to the (by now crowded) gym, go home or go to the French pastry shop. But Katrina, you might say, the answer is obvious! Go to the gym, you’ll be so happy you did afterwards! And you’d be right. Want to know what I did instead? You already know, if this weren’t something I’m prone to doing, I wouldn’t need to lose weight in the first place. 

I had four pastries and a sandwich. I had water too, but I’m hardly going to give myself points for choosing what is in all honesty my favorite drink. 

So that was super lame. I don’t do well with unexpected, I think. Maybe that’s just an excuse. I think I still have time to go to the gym, but I might not do too well with my over-full (of garbage) belly. I will try in a little while, when I feel less vomitous. 

So I think I need to plan things more carefully. Plan what to do when, when and what to eat, and what/how much to do at the gym. 

Unrelated

I saw the personal trainer on Sunday. Like I think I mentioned, he will be gone throaght May. He refused to give me an in the meantime workout (which I guess makes sense since I could probably have rolled with that for a while without needing to hire him), but gave me a detox plan. I feel silly, but I kind of do believe in it, even though I usually think of detoxes as sort of made up by the industry. This one is just using normal things, not things he’s trying to sell to me. So why would he lie about it? So I will do it. He gave me a fitness assessment that left me sore, so I think I’m going to really benefit from his workouts. And twelve times a month should do a lot for me! 

If I’m going to the gym, I’d better go, gross or not

Friends!

Previously, I would post all my weight loss related thoughts here, to bend a sympathetic ear and get some encouragement, or to gloat over my accomplishments. Now, my first impulse is to get out my phone and tell my new friends! So forgive me if I start to be an intermittent blogger… not that I was ever that regular. I may decide to start scheduling blogging time for myself, because even though I love the immediacy of facebook chatting, this blog is important to me. I truly believe that blogging is changing my life, very much for the better. Thank you all for your support.

In the mean time, I’m on the brink of hiring a personal trainer! My parents are actually financing this, so I feel like a leech, but I’m pretty sure I need this. I will be seeing one on sunday, to see if he is a good fit for me. He charges $120 per month, and in a month you get 12 sessions. I don’t know at all what I’m talking about, but $10 a session doesn’t sound expensive to me. It does sound as though he may start trying to sell me products later on, but I’m going to cross that bridge when I come to it. One bummer is he is actually leaving for a month vacation the next day, so he will just be giving me a start. He has some kind of detox plan, which I’m a bit wary of, but he insists that it’s only things like dandelion tea (which I already drink sometimes, just for fun), and apple cider vinegar, which I’ve heard good things about. I’m really hoping that it isn’t some kind of magical hocus-pocus lie. I would really find it hard to take his advice seriously if I thought he was pushing sham remedies. But he sounds really nice, and I’m very much looking forward to being able to enter the gym with a clear, professionally approved (as opposed to semi random) plan of attack. I want to feel like I’m doing the right things.

In other news, my blogger care package came! I feel bad because I haven’t sent mine out yet, and the end of the month is reproachfully approaching. I’ll get it out tomorrow. What follows is an open letter to Bobby C

Dear Bobby,

Thank you so much for your generous gifts. It means a lot to me to know you care, and I can tell you care because of all the thought you put into your gifts. The popcorn was (past tense–it’s long gone now) amazing. Maybe too good. I was secretly hoping that I would receive something “off-plan” so that I would have a chance to wander off the straight and narrow path of nutrition. So you see, despite the risk, it was perfect for me.

The dancing solar powered plant is adorable…. I have yet to find the perfect place for it, but I will! I’ve seen them in other people’s cars, but that’s probably not where it will end up in this case because the car is shared.

I’ll probably use the bookmark in my day planner, because what better place to put a message to never give up than somewhere where it will be seen daily as I decide what to do with myself? I think that is where it will do the most good. Did you know Winston Churchill was likely bipolar and possibly dyslexic? Bipolar runs in my family (though it looks like I’m just straight up depressive), and I’m definitely dyslexic, so his words feel almost like personal advice from someone who understands.

The pictures are my favorite. I’ll post pictures of them tomorrow (hopefully) so that everyone can see them. If I get back into painting, I’ll do a watercolor of one and send it back to you.

Thank you again.

Your friend, Katrina

Now, just to hold myself accountable, my plan for the gym tomorrow:

1. Stretching. I actually have a sort of stretching routine now, so that’s nice. It could definitely use some rounding out though.

2. Treadmill. Walk 5 at speed 3.0, run 20 at speed 3.4, adding a slight incline halfway through. Cool down.

3. Try to match or beat my previous records for triceps, biceps, chest, abdominals (twisty and bendy), seated leg press.

4. The challenge my new friend Aubrie set out for us

5. More stretches

Yeah, that seems like kinda a lot. But I ate a whole tub of cream cheese this week and had indian food tonight. The least I can do is try to better my gym performance. Wish me luck! I need it.

Showoff :)

Today, I spent more time with my husband than I usually get to. I joined him studying/doing home work at Starbucks. It was slightly torturous because I accidentally sat facing the yummies, but also nice because I got to be just a foot or two away from him during waking hours.

Later, we went to the gym. Now, my husband was very in shape when he had time, but lately he’s been devoted to study to the exclusion of other things. Also, he had hurt his leg in January, and was advised by his doctor friend to keep off the treadmill. He’s decided it’s healed enough now.

I decided to pick a treadmill right in front of his, so I could show off my new ability to actually run (jog? I’m not sure, is there a difference between running slowly and jogging?). He noticed, and was duly impressed! He had to leave a bit earlier than he would have liked (because he was out of form), and he told me later that he felt bad that he had to interrupt me when I was doing so well. I treasure that compliment. Unfortunately, he was to distracted by his own performance to properly gush over mine. 

In the meantime, I’ve been enjoying the friends I’ve made on here who chose to Facebook me. It’s been working out pretty much how I hoped… We support each other and chat about unrelated things, and it’s great fun. I’m excited about my weight loss schemes again, thanks to being able to share my struggles and share in someone else’s. 

That seems to be all I have to say at the moment. Happy losing! 

Friends?

Today, I sat down to figure out what I want from life right now. I wrote the following list: A job, A great body, To start seeing a personal trainer, To start working towards becoming a personal trainer, Friends, Happy husband. (My husband isn’t depressed or anything, but there are certain things he’d like to see me being more on top of, and those are things I ought to do anyway). Then I wrote out how to go about getting those things. There’s not much to say about wanting a job, I need one and I don’t have one, therefore I want one. As for a great body, that’s what this whole blog is about, so I’ll give it a wee rest this post.

What I want to talk about now is wanting friends. It’s not that I don’t have any, it’s just that I get too shy to call them up to hang out. I get shy because I’m heavy, and because I don’t feel I can do what skinny people do for fun and friendship. Two of the girls I want to hang out with post lots of pictures of themselves doing acro-yoga together. Friggin acro-yoga, people. There’s no place for me in that! And I doubt I could keep up with them on their hikes. What else do people do? Eat together…. haha, terrible idea. Shopping? Hells no. Dancing or clubbing or drinking? I don’t like any of those things. Then there’s just sitting around and chatting… but what can I chat about? I don’t really do anything worth talking about. I’m good at listening though, I guess, so maybe that could work.

A while ago, I posted on facebook and invitation to anyone who was interested to go to the gym with me for free as my guest basically any time any day. One person responded, but he immediately got very sick and has been busy since.

Today, after seeing “friends” on the list of things I want, I was inspired to text him back and see if he has time now. We’ve decided to go next thursday.

Another plan I had for feeling like I have friends, is to stay very active on here and really try to cultivate relationships with people who are blogging on similar topics to mine. You may have noticed me commenting on your posts. That is me wanting to befriend you. This is me openly asking if anyone else out there is lonely for someone who will understand what this is like, and this is me announcing that on facebook I am Katrina Huber-Juma, and I would love to chat. I’m ok if you message me only when you are trying to stop yourself from bingeing. I would be happy to be your anti-binge friend. I’ll even give you my number so you can call or text. I would like to be someone’s supportive friend. For now, at least, I have little else to do, so I’m likely to respond quickly to a text or message.

If you looked at the image and were able to read my handwriting, you may have noticed I made a list of ways to court you lovely ladies of the blogosphere. One thing I’m hopeful about is the Blogger Care Package Swap  community building scheme by Alison.

Also, today, Brittany, Aubrie and I entered into a “pact” to do better with our food choices. Brittany and Aubrie, I have no idea how seriously you took the pact idea, but I am hereby offering to listen to any stories of struggle or accomplishment that you think are too mundane to keep in your blog. If you need to list your foods and know that someone is looking, I will look. If you need to bemoan the missed opportunity to eat a cupcake, I will listen. You can tell me on facebook message, text, phone call, comment on an unrelated blog post of mine,  we can make a facebook group, or I can link to you at the end of each of my blog posts and ask you how you have been doing. I sincerely want to be helpful. So let me know if I can in any way help hold you accountable!

If anyone else wants in on the pact, let me know. I’m very interested in everyone’s wellbeing. I want to be friendly, and I have plenty of time.

Hopefully I didn’t come off as too clingy in this post.

Let’s Do the Time Warp!

So back in 2012, right as I was about to get married, I did a tiny bit of blogging. Just 3 posts, to be exact. I was calling myself bibmke (two Swahili words for wife, smooshed together). 

I’m just going to copy paste those 3 posts here, as a way of keeping them available to myself, later. I honestly barely remember some of this stuff. I was very dramatic…. I think I may have mellowed out in the past 3 years. If you’ve got a bit of time to kill, feel free to read and comment. I’d be interested to know what you think of past me in comparison with present me.

May 2, 2012

I only get one of you

Hello. I’m a 22 year old bipolar girl on the brink of marriage. Sometimes I can’t even fathom how lucky I am to be marrying such an all-around incredible guy… But I’m not here to brag about him. I’m here to shame myself into a healthy lifestyle.

I need to lose weight. I want to lose weight… But somehow I continue to sabotage myself every single day. I can always think of some excuse why I need or deserve to have unhealthy food. Sometimes I even eat more than I want. On at least two occasions I force-fed myself cupcakes, even past the point of enjoying them and well into the point of feeling sick. I rationalized that I was building bad associations with cupcakes. I went right back the next day. And hated it. And hated myself. I still don’t really know why I did it. My fiancé sure as shit didn’t understand–he doesn’t even like most sugary American garbage “food.” He can’t wrap his head around the idea that I would repeatedly do something I know is destructive to my goals. If we argue, it’s about that. He wants to help me and see me succeed and I want to fart around on the Internet, paint my nails, paint pictures and do random artsy crafts, all while guzzling chocolate, if possible.

Just to be clear, he genuinely sees me as beautiful the way I am, so don’t assume he’s trying to change me for any selfish reasons. My mother told him that she had pregnancy diabetes, and told him that I might be at risk of developing diabetes if I continue the way I’ve been headed. Also, I have PCOS, which apparently is more likely to make me barren if I’m overweight. He wants to make sure I’m healthy and that I live as long and full a life as possible. I only get one of him; he only gets one of me.

So my new plan is to try and mimic the Amazing Diet Girl and blog myself into health.

May 3, 2012

Sometimes the best intentions get the WORST results

My fiance, (henceforth I shall call him J-Boo) is an amazing person. Sadly, he’s so damn private about everything that his profile picture–the only picture he posted– picture on facebook is a cat, so I don’t plan to mention to him that I’ve started blogging. He has the kindest heart imaginable, he’s patient, faithful, forgiving, smart, hard-working and well-intentioned. He wants so much to help me become healthy! But he really struggles with certain things. He is so disciplined that my moodiness, occasional laziness and inconsistent resolve remain well beyond his comprehension.

From his perspective, he can’t stand by and let someone he loves destroy herself. He tries so hard to help me and guide me that I start reacting to him as though I were his 6 year old daughter: if I can convince him that I can eat chocolate/not exercise/whatever then it’s alright. All I need is permission from him, and ultimately everything will turn out fine, because he’s guiding me and doing all that hard “forethought” stuff. So, instead of focusing on moving forward, I find myself focusing on convincing him that I need/deserve whatever unhealthy thing I happen to want. Obviously, he’s never convinced, because, from his point of view, there is no way that feeling moody justifies making blatantly stupid decisions. The right/healthy thing to do is always the same, even if it’s hard, even if I’m grumpy. He’s very strong and focused. I’m…. pretty much spoiled as hell and pitifully moody. We won’t ever see eye-to-eye on this, but somehow we need to stop having it be an issue.

And I know the problem is me. I wish so much that the problem could be him, but it won’t ever be. But the more he gets involved, the easier it is to pretend it is his fault. I use him as an excuse. I do something stupid for the hundredth time, he asks what I did all day and I tell him. Then, somehow, he’s not thrilled that I’ve set myself back yet again, and the next day I find myself thinking “he’s so judgmental. If he would just loosen up I could recover emotionally and stop overeating!”

Yeah, right.

A couple times I’ve succeeded in convincing him to stop interfering with my eating habits, but then, the very instant he said “do what you want,” I couldn’t stand the thought that he might be “giving up” on me. I end up asking him for help again, and then hating him for it.

The fact is I’ll use anything as an excuse, and I know it. J-Boo is forever blameless, poor dear.

I just needed to get that out in words so I could behold all the horror that is my downfall. If I keep this shit up, I could hurt my relationship with the most wonderful man imaginable AND die of obesity in a few years.

“OK self, as of this moment, no more bullshit

The third post was never published, and I can’t figure out the date for it. I also appear not to have finished it, so it ends somewhat mysteriously.

B is for Bipolar

Sorry about the silence, finals week was bad for me. Bad in almost every way.

On Wednesday I was told that I had a D on my group presentation. I got watery-eyed and the teacher felt bad enough to give me a hug, but we both knew that I had done quite poorly in this instance, so I made no effort to change the grade. I went to the school cafe and ate (horrifyingly enough) a chocolate chip cookie, a chocolate cheese muffin and washed it down with white chocolate mocha, extra extra whip. Then I fell asleep…. Still in the cafe. I overslept and was late to pick up my Boo. On the way to get him I got a doughnut and an ice cream bar. That is when things started getting worse.

I hadn’t been taking my pills (bipolar medication) because I hadn’t put the pills in the boxes for the week yet. I hate handling pills, the sound of the pills in their little bottles makes me want to vomit. I was also menstruating and recovering from a UTI.  All in all, I was in pretty much the worse mood I could be in, and poor, poor J-Boo didn’t know a monster storm was brewing in the driver’s seat.Also, I felt gross because of allergies.

He asked me how my day was, and how I did on the final I’d had that morning. I said something like “I don’t know boo, maybe fine” but he kept pressing me for a more certain answer (he can usually guess what his score was within a few percentage points). I hit the gas then the breaks (thank god it was an empty road) “I don’t know boo, that’s why I said Maybe!” I became quiet and grumpy behind the wheel.

We were low on gas, so I pulled into a gas station. Then we realized that neither of us had much cash and we would need to check our accounts before buying gas. I told him about the D, and began to sob. He hates being conspicuous. He wanted to go home. I wanted to cry a bit before trying to drive (he can’t drive yet). Finally he convinced me to go home. There was no free spot in the lot closest to my dorm room. My reaction to the lack of parking space was…. crazy.

I screamed and tore at my face (by the next day most of the marks were gone). I screamed. I screamed the kind of scream that is only forgivable when it comes from small children or people in agony. I screamed until I gave myself a headache.

“It’s OK Trina. Look, they’re leaving. We can park there. Please calm down.” By the time I had calmed down enough to take my foot off the breaks, the spot he’d seen was gone. I had to drive around. There were skateboarders in my way.

Skateboarders are never a welcome sight, but never before had I hated them quite so much. This was a parking lot, not a playground. Rage burned inside me. I stacked my hands on the horn and pressed with all my weight, arms locked, leaning forward. I honked at them for at least 15 seconds, then put my foot on the gas and rushed at them. They were laughing at me. I could see it on their stupid blond faces. I didn’t hit them, and apparently I didn’t even scare them.

“They were laughing at me! Did you see them LAUGHING at me?! They were laughing!

“They weren’t laughing at you, they were laughing at themselves because they knew they were being stupid.”

I’m still pretty sure they were laughing at me.

Eventually we got to my room, where he went to my computer. I curled up on my bed. I accused him of ignoring me, but it turned out he was just checking to see if he could view my grades for that course. He got into bed with me and was very gentle, petting my head and absorbing my tears.

The next day I had another tantrum because he said he wanted to stay with his host family in Santa Rosa (North of SF bay) for “most of June”  so that he could spend time with his friends, instead of coming straight home to with me to Richmond (one hour away, East bay). This time instead of screaming, I just became silent and teary, and I threw the key card at him instead of handing it to him nicely.Then I left him alone while I went to watch a musical written by the friend of a friend of a friend of mine.

When I came home, refreshed by the music and the triviality, I apologized for my behavior and told him I knew I had been wrong. But he was still troubled. He started saying how we need to work some things out before we get married. This upset the tentative emotional balance that had been restored by the musical. I needed him to understand how I was feeling, how off everything was. I muttered something about drowning myself in a toilet. I’m not sure what he made of that. He still wouldn’t touch me when I tried to snuggle up to him. So I backed off.

Then an idea struck me. “This is a terrible idea,” I thought. “There is no possible benefit and you’ll just look extra crazy. It won’t be fun. Afterwards, he’ll either be worried or mad.

…..What was that idea? No one will ever know.

A Crazy Idea is Taking Shape

What if I could make my weight loss journey/health improvement mission into my job? What if, instead of trying to juggle lack of health and lack of wealth, I could work on growing my health and wealth (whealth) together?

That’s my fantasy. I want to be forced to lose weight/stay healthy for money. That way, I don’t have to focus on too many things at once, which I’m terrible at. Let me know if you have any ideas how I can do that.

For now, I have two ideas. One is short term and couldn’t take the place of a job. The other is a ways away, and maybe a little bit crazy. Idea one: try DietBet. Idea two: become a personal trainer *record scratch*. Yeah, I’m thinking about becoming a personal trainer, yet I haven’t gotten myself under control fully.

Like I said, it would be a long time in the future, probably. I obviously have to study and train or whatever to get certified, and I’d have to get the in shape myself in order for anyone to want to hire me. That’s kind of the beauty of the plan though. If I make that my career goal, then I have to make my own fitness top priority, all the time, no excuses. And if I can do the studying now, I could immediately start applying the knowledge to myself!

The funny thing is, aside from being totally unfit at the moment, I think it could become a good fit for me. If I could find one, I’d love to go to a personal trainer who was once heavy, as I am now. I could really understand my clients. I’d want to have get togethers, to build community among clients with similar goals. We could have healthy potlucks! And an online support group?

I don’t know, maybe it’s a pie in the sky idea. I probably don’t have the gumption to make it work. But I thought I’d share my fantasy with you, because it’s a fun thought, and in case someone comments “actually that could work if you….”

What do you think? Am I getting way ahead of myself? I know other people who have lost significant weight have become trainers, but I think it seems like they usually come up with that idea later in the journey.

Coloring

I got behind in my color in calendar (color-coded depending on whether I stayed on plan, stuck with just diet or just exercised or whether I blew it). I hadn’t colored anything in for the last few days. And my eating has been a mess since Easter, in that I haven’t logged some transgressions of mine. Some sick part of me refuses to count chocolate peanutbutter malt balls stolen from the bulk bin at the market. I never keep track of my kleptomaniacal malt ball bingeing. I just sort of orbit that isle, stealing as I go. I’ve never stolen in my life, except from bulk bins. 

Anyway, I had to decide how to color those days, since I didn’t remember which days were or were not full of malt balls and other sins. But also because I went to the gym like a champion, every day, and I want credit for that. I decided to give them the “exercise saved the day” color. 

Now, I have to work on making today worthy of the “perfect day” color. I’m off to a good start. I had an apple for breakfast (mostly because my husband was running late) and I’m now in the gym parking lot, preparing to go in. So, now I make and publish my gym plan, so that I stick to it. 

I want to run 20 minutes again. I’ve done it a few times now, but never gotten in a good amount of weight machines after. So that’s today’s goal. 

1. Stretch

2. Treadmill

3. Stretch

4. Do as well on weight machines as I did on Easter 

5. Update blog

But before any of that, I want to walk a couple blocks to buy myself headphones

Gym, April 7th

Again, I write to you from the parking lot of my gym. I’m sorry if this kind of post is boring (I suspect it is), but it seems to really help me to go into the gym with a publicly announced plan. And I need help today. I left my homework too long and it’s starting to eat away at me. I had spring break to do it, but all I wanted to do that whole week was blog, read blogs and comment on blogs. It was maybe not as healthy as I like to tell myself it is.

Anyway, today I’m feeling pretty blah. I just feel like I can’t cope with the responsibility of being an adult. I know it’s rediculous, because I actually have very few, minor responsibilities. Also, I’m not sure whether my motives for going to the gym are pure. Is this another way of avoiding my overwhelming, confusing home mwork? Do I actually have time to be here? The homework is due tomorrow and I have a 7 pm class tonight, so I won’t feel like working on it when I get home. That means I don’t have a lot of extra time to borrow. It’s making me a little sick.

Anyway, pure or not, I’m going to be in the gym in a few minutes, so now I decide what to do.

1. Stretch. I found a picture online that I will use as my guide.

2. Treadmill. Walk 2 min at 2.8 and 3 min at 3.0 (5 min walking), run 10 min at 3.2, walk 5 min at 3.0, run 5 minutes at 3.1, cool down 5 minutes. I know that’s not a lot of impressive speed, but it’s what I feel ill be able to do. And usually the second run is only 2 minutes, so as far as I’m concerned, I’m pushing myself.

3. Do the whole ab circuit, even the boring parts.

4. Do all the arm machines at the front of the gym. Keep notes.

5. Do the seated leg press. Keep notes.

Wish me luck. If you comment quickly, you might even positively influence my workout!

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Sorry I didn’t update this yesterday, I realized I had to eat and get ready for class, leaving no time. I didn’t do everything I said I’d do. In fact, I didn’t do a single thing quite the way I described. I only did half the stretches before someone stationed herself next to me, making me feel too uncomfortable. I only did the biceps machine for arms. I didn’t do the seated leg press. What I did do is RUN. I ran for TWENTY MINUTES! I did. I just kept going. Way longer than I thought I could. And it wasn’t unpleasant! I actually started to kind of like it. I might have been able to go longer, but I think I psyched myself out.

Really, despite skipping things, I’m very happy with how I did. Why didn’t I do the rest? Because I was sweaty and realized I needed time for a shower as well as dinner before class, and therefore had to go home. But today my gym time will be after class. I’m excited to see if I can run 20 minutes again, and do all the things I missed yesterday! We’ll see

Easter – not as far off as I meant to be

I had thought I would take today off, and in a way I did–I had meat, dairy and bread. But if my very, very approximate guesstimations are correct, I’m possibly not yet really over my calories! 

My mother is dieting too, and hates cooking while on a diet. Plus it would generate a lot of tempting leftovers. So we went out for Mediterranean food. That makes it nearly impossible to really know the calories of what I ate, but I tried to enter similar things, to see a very rough guess. 



Of course, it’s impossible to be sure of anything, especially since I’m pretty terrible as estimating quantity. 

So now for the big surprise! I’m actually about to go to the gym… Even though it’s a holiday and I could have declared myself a free woman for the day. I’m, again, blogging from my car in the parking lot as a way of procrastinating. 

When I left the house I had decided not to go to the gym. My mission was simply to drop my husband off at Starbucks so he can study. So I’m wearing the wrong shoes. That’s a bit lame, but workable. I can probably still use the elliptical, even if the treadmill doesn’t seem like a good idea. 

Other than not using the treadmill, my plan is copy-pasted from the plan I failed at yesterday. Every day, a new start. 

1. STRETCH! It would be nice to actually do this some time

2. Elliptical for 10 minutes. I used to be a fan, but I’m not into the elliptical anymore

3. Do weight machines for: chest, abs (bendy and twisty), biceps, triceps, inner thighs, outer thighs, booty.

4. Take notes on #3 for comparison. 

5. Update this blog on how the gym went.

Wish me success!

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Other than forgetting to tie back my hair, I did everything right. The only stretch I can ever remember when I’m there is touching my toes, and my hair dragged on the ground, but I did it and it’s better than no stretch.

I did the elliptical for 10 minutes, and it wasn’t so bad. Can’t remember what level I was on though. 

For the rest, here are my notes:

chest, 70 lb x10 x2
abs, 60 lb x50
biceps, 30 x10 + x5 + x5
triceps, 50 lb x40
Twisty abs, 70 lbs x20 per side
inner thighs, 110lbs x30
outer thighs, 110 lbs x40
booty 150 lb x30



elliptical. long hair dont care



post workout glow?



It worked yesterday, maybe it will work again today

I put on eye makeup so I decided to take a selfie. Trying hard not to look like a vampire

I’ve printed out another Color in the Days sheet, updated to reflect the date and the new estimated end date (shown in blue). It’s kind of a lot of a drag to make, so if you want a copy, let me know and I’ll give it to you. I set it up to make it look like it’s not such a long time. Each month has one row. Every day I color in the color that reflects how my day went. This picture was taken before I finished the legend at the bottom, but you should get the point. I bought a clipboard/box thing to hold all my essential weight loss supplies, seen above. The pencil case is from grade school.

In other news, I made … a bit of an oopsie today. I found a can of Trader Joe’s Coconut Cream in the pantry. I don’t even remember why, but I opened it and found that it is think and creamy, like yogurt or ice cream, or possibly heaven. It’s also exactly as calorific as it sounds. I ate at least 800 calories worth, with honey.  I feel a little sick writing that. It was amazing, and stupid. And there’s more left, calling to me. I’ll use the rest sparingly, over the course of days, in other foods.

The thing is, I still have 448 calories left for the day, and I know I can make that work, PLUS I don’t see any reason why coconut would be off my menu, so I’m tempted not to feel too bad about my transgression. I’ll have to stop by the market though.

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Since stating my intent on my blog worked so well the other day, I’m going to do that again. So prepare to hear what I intend to do at the gym, once I finish this post, and what I plan to get at the market, once I finish at the gym.

At the gym

1. STRETCH! I forgot yesterday, even though I wrote it down. Somehow when I get in there I just head for the treadmill without another thought.

2. Walk 5 minutes, “run” 10 minutes, no matter how slow, walk 5 minutes, run 2 minutes and cool down.

3. Do weight machines for: chest, abs, biceps, triceps, two for abs, inner thighs, outer thighs, booty.

4. Take notes on #3 for comparison.

5. Update this blog on how the gym went.

My big mistake of the day…. and I ate more than is shown here! coconut cream with honey: so good and yet so bad!

At the market

Buy: Kale, eggplant, herb paste tubes (garlic, ginger, basil), chopped onion, green grapes, bananas, frozen cherries if possible, black beans, exciting new tea, quinoa

Make for dinner:

Cook 4 cups of kale for a total of 40 calories. Add one bell pepper. Season with garlic, basil, ginger and unseasoned rice vinegar.

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Update: so after writing the above, I went to my room to change, and to gather laundry to put in before leaving for the gym. I wound up taking a nap for an hour. So that’s lame. Luckily it’s not too late for me. This can still happen. 

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Update

So I got to the gym less than an hour before closing. I did my treadmill exactly as planned, but everything else sort of fell apart. I skipped stretching so that I’d have more time for other things. But I wasn’t organized about using the weight machines. I didn’t take notes, and I didn’t manage half of what I intended. 

All in all, pretty lame, especially given the eating snafu and the accidental nap. I didn’t even get the clothes in the wash because it was full. 

Disappointed in myself. But there is still tomorrow, and I’m still under my calorie allotment. Nothing irreparable has been done. Onward, to the market. This, at least, I won’t fail 

My very favorite spectator sport: My husband petting the family dog. It gets me every time. Too much cuteness, I had to share